63 Engineering Jokes That You Will Surely Love

63 Engineering Jokes That You Will Surely Love

Let’s have a little smile Software Engineers. In this blog, we compiled a list of most well-known Engineering jokes. They’d surely love and make you smile. Enjoy 🙂

Software Engineering Jokes

  1. Why do java developers wear glasses?
    Because they don’t c#

  2. Why did the programmer quit his job?
    Because he didn’t get arrays

  3. “Keyboard not found …
    press F1 to continue”

  4. “What’s the object-oriented way to become wealthy?”
    Inheritance

  5. Why did the web designer drown?
    She didn’t know if she should float: left or float: right. She also had too many anchors.

  6. Why was the web developer fired from his job?
    He was getting too Sassy.

  7. Why was the web developer fired from her job?
    She did Less every day.

  8. Why was the JavaScript reality show canceled after only one episode?
    People thought it seemed scripted.

  9. How can you tell that a web developer is working?
    You can hear him Grunting!

  10. Why couldn’t the variable enter the JavaScript store?
    It was (Closured())!

  11. Why don’t web developers get along with others?
    They’re too MEAN.

  12. How does JavaScript call its mommy?
    ec-MA

  13. Why did the web developer send a few extra bucks to his hosting provider?
    Because he heard that he should always tip his server.

  14. Why did the web designer storm out of the restaurant?
    She was offended by the table layout.

  15. How do you comfort a JavaScript bug?
    You console it.

  16. When Apple employees die, does their life HTML5 in front of their eyes?

  17. Two young engineers tried to initiate their first baby.
    They committed to it often, almost every day.
    They paired and even merged a couple ideas they read about. Nothing.
    They brewed up the idea to call the doctor.
    The doctor examined them both, then gave them their update and later asked…
    Did you try pushing?

  18. Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning.

  19. Always code as if the guy who ends up maintaining your code will be a violent psychopath who knows where you live.

  20. The best thing about a boolean is even if you are wrong, you are only off by a bit.

  21. Should array indices start at 0 or 1? My compromise of 0.5 was rejected without, I thought, proper consideration.

  22. Copy and paste is a design error.

  23. Programming can be fun, so can cryptography; however they should not be combined.

  24. Linux is only free if your time has no value.

  25. It should be noted that no ethically-trained software engineer would ever consent to write a DestroyBaghdad procedure. Basic professional ethics would instead require him to write a DestroyCity procedure, to which Baghdad could be given as a parameter.

  26. Debugging is twice as hard as writing the code in the first place. Therefore, if you write the code as cleverly as possible, you are, by definition, not smart enough to debug it.

  27. A female secretary was helping her new boss set up his computer and asked him what word he would like to use as a password to log in with.
    Wanting to embarrass his new secretary a bit and let her know where they stood, he smugly told her to enter ‘penis’
    Without blinking or saying a word, she entered the password. She then almost died laughing at the computer’s response:
    PASSWORD REJECTED. NOT LONG ENOUGH!

  28. A programmer puts two glasses on his bedside table before going to sleep. A full one, in case he gets thirsty, and an empty one, in case he doesn’t.

  29. How come there is no obfuscated Perl contest?
    A: Because everyone would win.

  30. When Shakespeare asked, To be, or not to be? he did not provide the answer. But programming can. Well, the answer is FF.
    2B |~ 2B = FF
    And ending it with this classic
    so this programmer goes out on a date with a hot chick.

  31. Programming is like sex:
    One mistake and you have to support it for the rest of your life.

  32. Java programming is like teenage sex ….
    Everyone talks about it all of the time (but they don’t really know what they’re talking about);
    Everyone claims to be doing it;
    Everyone thinks everyone else is doing it;
    Those few who are actually doing it:
    Are not practicing it safely;
    Are doing it poorly, and
    Are sure it will be better next time.

  33. A master was explaining the nature of Tao to one of his novices: “The Tao is embodied in all software — no matter how insignificant,” he said.
    “Is the Tao in a handheld calculator?” asked the novice.
    “It is,” came the reply.
    “Is the Tao in a video game?”
    “It is even in a video game.”
    “And is the Tao in DOS for a personal computer?”
    The Master coughed and shifted his position slightly. “The lesson is over for today.”

  34. The Tao gave birth to machine language.
    Machine language gave birth to the assembler.
    The assembler gave birth to the compiler.
    Now there are ten thousand languages.
    Each language has its purpose, however humble. Each language expresses the Yin and Yang of software. Each language has its place in the Tao.
    But do not program in COBOL if you can avoid it.

  35. “What’s the difference between an enterprise software salesperson and a used car dealer?”

  36. “The used car dealer knows when he’s lying.”

  37. Why do programmers always mix up Halloween and Christmas?
    Because Oct 31 == Dec 25 !

  38. How many programmers does it take to change a light bulb?
    none, that’s a hardware problem

  39. A physicist, an engineer, and a programmer were in a car driving over a steep alpine pass when the brakes failed. The car was getting faster and faster, they were struggling to get around the corners and once or twice only the feeble crash barrier saved them from crashing down the side of the mountain. They were sure they were all going to die when suddenly they spotted an escape lane. They pulled into the escape lane and came safely to a halt.
    The physicist said, “We need to model the friction in the brake pads and the resultant temperature rise, see if we can work out why they failed”.
    The engineer said “I think I’ve got a few spanners in the back. I’ll take a look and see if I can work out what’s wrong”.
    The programmer said, “Why don’t we get going again and see if it’s reproducible?”

  40. Two bytes meet. The first byte asks, “Are you ill?”
    The second byte replies, “No, just feeling a bit off.”

  41. Eight bytes walk into a bar. The bartender asks, “Can I get you anything?”
    “Yeah,” reply the bytes. “Make us a double.”

  42. How did the programmer die in the shower?
    He read the shampoo bottle instructions: Lather. Rinse. Repeat.

  43. How many programmers does it take to change a light bulb?
    None – It’s a hardware problem

  44. There are only 10 kinds of people in this world:
    Those who know binary and those who don’t.

  45. A programmer walks to the butcher shop and buys a kilo of meat. An hour later he comes back upset that the butcher shortchanged him by 24 grams.

  46. “Knock, knock.”
    “Who’s there?”
    very long pause….
    “Java.”

  47. Programming is 10% science, 20% ingenuity, and 70% getting the ingenuity to work with the science.

  48. A man is smoking a cigarette and blowing smoke rings into the air. His girlfriend becomes irritated with the smoke and says, “Can’t you see the warning on the cigarette pack? Smoking is hazardous to your health!”
    To which the man replies, “I am a programmer. We don’t worry about warnings; we only worry about errors.”

  49. There are three kinds of lies: Lies, damned lies, and benchmarks.

  50. A programmer is walking along a beach and finds a lamp. He rubs the lamp, and a genie appears. “I am the most powerful genie in the world. I can grant you any wish, but only one wish.”
    The programmer pulls out a map, points to it and says, “I’d want peace in the Middle East.”
    The genie responds, “Gee, I don’t know. Those people have been fighting for millennia. I can do just about anything, but this is likely beyond my limits.”
    The programmer then says, “Well, I am a programmer, and my programs have lots of users. Please make all my users satisfied with my software and let them ask for sensible changes.”
    At which point the genie responds, “Um, let me see that map again.”

  51. All programmers are playwrights, and all computers are lousy actors.

  52. Have you heard about the new Cray super computer? It’s so fast, it executes an infinite loop in 6 seconds.

  53. The generation of random numbers is too important to be left to chance.

  54. “I just saw my life flash before my eyes and all I could see was a close tag…”

  55. The computer is mightier than the pen, the sword, and usually, the programmer.

  56. Debugging: Removing the needles from the haystack.

  57. Two strings walk into a bar and sit down. The bartender says, “So what’ll it be?”
    The first string says, “I think I’ll have a beer quag full borg jdk^CjfdLk jk3s d#f67howe%^U r89nvy~~owmc63^Dz x.xv”
    “Please excuse my friend,” the second string says, “He isn’t null-terminated.”

  58. From the Random Shack Data Processing Dictionary:
    Endless Loop: n., see Loop, Endless.
    Loop, Endless: n., see Endless Loop.

  59. The three most dangerous things in the world are a programmer with a soldering iron, a hardware engineer with a software patch, and a user with an idea. – The Wizardry Compiled by Rick Cook

  60. One hundred little bugs in the code
    One hundred little bugs.
    Fix a bug, link the fix in,
    One hundred little bugs in the code.

  61. A computer science student is studying under a tree and another pulls up on a flashy new bike. The first student asks, “Where’d you get that?”
    The student on the bike replies, “While I was studying outside, a beautiful girl pulled up on her bike. She took off all her clothes and said, ‘You can have anything you want’.”
    The first student responds, “Good choice! Her clothes probably wouldn’t have fit you.”

  62. Comedy Code is syntactically correct programming code written just for fun. The code doesn’t actually have to do anything if it’s executed, but it should look like regular code.

  63. A programmer finds himself in front of a committee that decides whether he should go to Heaven or Hell. The committee tells the programmer he has a say in the matter and asks him if he wants to see either Heaven or Hell before stating his preference.
    “Sure,” the programmer replies. “I have a pretty good idea what Heaven is like, so let’s see Hell.” So an angel takes the programmer to a sunny beach, full of beautiful women in skimpy bikinis playing volleyball, listening to music and having a great time. “Wow!” he exclaims, “Hell looks great! I’ll take Hell!”
    Instantly the programmer finds himself in red-hot lava with demons tearing at his flesh. “Where’s the beach? The music? The women?” he screams frantically to the angel.
    “That was the demo,” the angel replies as she vanishes.

2 thoughts on “63 Engineering Jokes That You Will Surely Love

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